Friday, July 30, 2010

Wrote this before i learned my grandma died

Day in Stratsford: I am pretty happy because of certain events that occurred yesterday (Brandon and I got back together - I have a boyfriend AND I love him!) Yesterday was also a hard day because I found out that my grandma who has lived with my family for over 12 years is even closer to dying than I had previously thought. On Monday, she hadn't eaten since Friday. I don't know how she is doing and I don't have internet to find out. So I will probably call home today and ask Mom.

Well, today we departed London. I was kind of sad, but I am very ready for a new adventure. We went to a many places which included Windsor castle (The Queen's baby pictures look so much like Jessica's baby pictures!), Shakespeare's mother's house (I fed a vulture there out of my hand), Anne Hathaway's cottage (I didn't go inside. There was a woodland nature walk on the grounds, so I did that instead), and Stratford of Avon. In Stratford, we saw Shakespeare's birthing place and his tomb. Then we went on to the hostel.

Today was altogether a very reflective day for me. It was a chance I had to reach into myself and decide what I am really like and what I really like to do. I am not saying that I am not myself around all of you. I think I'm just trying to reconnect with my personality in a way that isn't restricted by anybody, meaning that it could only come out when I am with myself and Heavenly Father.

I have observed a few things about me (this is about to be pretty serious/boring... so go ahead and skip) :) :

* I think I really connect with God when I am out in nature. This is especially so when the foliage is similar to Oregon's (like at Anne Hathaway's cottage). I really feel comfortable and happy walking around orchards and fields and shrubbery. I think this has a lot to do with my upbringing. First, it seems that in many houses i lived in, there was a large backyard that i could explore and spend the day in. I am also reminded of all the nature walks, mountain drives, hikes, and picnics my family used to have. I didn't know it then, but they have really made me appreciate family togetherness and closeness with God through nature.

* I discovered that I really, really do not care for most board games or card games. There are a few exceptions: Nerts, Battleship, chess, checkers, war, Uno, Phase 10, Candy Land, Chutes and Ladders, Pretty, Pretty Princess, Curses, Scrabble, Blockus, and Trouble. I know that like seems like many games, but out of all the carious kinds of games out there that is actually very small.

* I like making forts and can't wait to help my children make them

* I have discovered that Im scared to death of being "great" and because of the anxious feelings I have, I let the things I do be mediocre even if I could do better. I will overcome this and I hope it shows in my relationships with friends and family, school, and of course, my knowledge of the gospel and the way I live it. (I have been really working hard on that last one the past couple months and I think I am seeing progress.)

*I also realized that i do really want to be a mom even more than I want a career. Of course, I am still going to try my best to be a PA and once my kids are grown-up, a doctor, but I realize that my most important responsibility will be raising my children. I'm excited to do this! I also decided that if I am going to be a mother, then I am going to try to be the best mom ever.

List (and I know it's long and probably I will never be amazing at all the things on the list, but I will try! I will also try not to be naive)

*take child rearing, family, and marriage classes with my spouse and utilize those principles in the home.
*Create a spiritual, happy atmosphere in the home that encourages learning. This can be established through regular family scripture study, prayer, FHE, family meals, and BYU Football celebrations.
*Read to my kids
*learn how to cooke and sometime let the kids have dessert before dinner.
*learn how to garden
*learned how to do food storage stuff
*learn to sew better
*read books so that i continue to learn about spiritual and secular things
*Be an awesome soccer or whatever mom ever! (although, I DO like soccer and running best.)

*I also learned that i need to be more aggressive about wanting to learn new things. I think that I get lazy because many things came basically to me when I was young. I don't remember really having to work for knowledge expect in Mr. Porter's 5th grade math class that we were learning crazy high school math in.

Well, sorry to bore you with so much stuff about me. You want to be entertained, right? Should I write a poem? I think yes.

Oh, Peter Rabbit,
I saw you in the corn today.
Did Farmer tell you, "Git!"?
I watched you as you hopped away.

Your little white feet,
where did they wander you off to?
A meadow of wheat?
Where, my little bunny foo foo?

Don't worry, Peter Rabbit.
I'm carried there, too.
A place I dream of when I sit,
When I'm feeling blue.

Green and gold, in my mind at least.
With booby-trapped forts;
music swings from branches of trees.

Red-yellow roses and
a porcupine to boot!
My own elephant to ride
and a room full of loot.

A black flying squirrel,
the villain, of course.
A shining white knight
and one valiant horse.

A bright star lit sky.
Homework's in a stash.
Don't worry, I did it.
No one had to ask.

I play on my branch
and realize I'm alone.
Is that what I want from the world?
And then I go home.

Back to the spot
where I sit on a rock
with me and all of my
people-deprived thoughts.

What am I running from?
Growing up, perhaps?
Is that what you hide from, Peter?
Don't keep it under wraps.

Everything is okay, Peter.
You're growing up inside.
And when you are older,
you'll be glad you didn't hide.

Life is worth experiencing --
every sorrow, happiness, and whim.
And part of life is living
and growing up within.

I figured it all out
when I sat on that branch.
I'm ready to try and
give it another chance.


First day in Liverpool: We left Stratford today to go to Liverpool, so I had all morning on the bus to do some thinking, which freaked me out a lot, but ended up being pretty good. 
Janelle, Lauren, Ashley, and I went to visit the maritime museum at Liverpool and looked around the area. I loved it! I miss the ocean. I really enjoy it. 
I love Liverpool!
We went on another walk at night and it was just gorgeous. So basically enjoying the ocean breeze in Liverpool!

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